Into The Groove, Episode One:
by Ang D
Summary: My first ENG fanfic in a series.  Kuzco's method of choosing a bride offends not only the rejects, but the chosen, and it leads to some interesting results. And what's with the squirrel hair?


"Bridesville"  
ITG Episode #1  
By Ang D. (with help from Sarah for some ideas)

He walks in the room  
And I'm never quite sure  
If he's trying to be someone else  
I'm liking him better when he's  
Not his arrogant self ....  
_~ Sting, "One Day She'll Love Me"_

_**~*~*~*~*~*~**_

_**Hey. Remember me? Kuzco, King of the World. .... Okay, maybe just emperor. But hey - I'm a darn good one. But lemme tell you one thing. See that girl over there? She's trouble. Lots of it..... can we set the scene here, people?...**_

_**~*~*~*~*~*~**_

_"Don't tell me. You have a wonderful personality."_

_**Thank you. ... Hey, wait, that's me. Voiceover ... Cool.**_

Zola sighed as she threw her wrap onto the chair by the door and slumped against the windowsill, Kuzco's sarcasm still stinging in her ears. "Stupid Emperor." She muttered to no one in particular. _Not that I'd actually WANT to be chosen to be his bride. He's such an arrogant, pig-headed, self-centered, LLAMA-BRAINED idiot!!!! _She fumed inwardly, staring out at the village._ I pity whoever he ends up choosing. This is, what, the fifth batch of girls they've sent to his palace? Talk about PICKY. Well ... at least it isn't me_. She clenched her fists until she heard the joints crack, then slammed a palm against the windowsill with a groan of frustration. 

"But I still don't like that attitude. Someone's gotta teach that sleazeball a lesson!"

She paused as she heard a scream from the vicinity of the palace. "Sorryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"

Zola blinked. "That's what, the third person who's thrown off the almighty 'groove' this week? Ridiculous." Then she paused, contemplating the situation. "Maybe .... maybe I'll leave the lesson-teaching to someone else for now...."

~*~*~*~*~*~

_**Okay, HOLD IT. Wait just a second! This is supposed to be about ME. Me me me me! ME, dangit! .... Okay, so maybe this Zola had her scarf in a knot over the whole bride-picking thing, but lemme say right now that I wasn't into the whole idea at the time. I was preoccupied with my summer home, my Kuzcotopia. Of course, as everyone may or may not know, I got sidetracked by that whole "firing my advisor Yzma and getting turned into a llama and having to depend on that peasant guy Pacha to get home" thing. Needless to say, a thing like that can change a guy's entire groove. Well ... not the whole thing. But most of it. **_

_**Now that you're caught up to date ... let's see what's going on with MEEEE right now.**_

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Kuzco!" Pacha called, hammering on the immense door of Kuzcotopia. "KUUUUZCOOOOOO!!" 

"I'm comin', I'm comin', Aw yeah, uh huh...Doin' the get the door dance!" Kuzco sang, rocking out to nonexistant music as he sauntered to the door, raising a foot to kick it open. "BOOM, BABY! The Emperor is in the house! .... " He blinked, looking around. "Pacha? ... Hey Pach!"

A groan issued from beside him as Pacha pulled himself back up onto the doorstep. 

"There you are. What, were you trying to dive into the pool or something? Diving board's on the other side, buddy." Kuzco leant on the door jamb coolly, sporting a loud floral version of his royal robes. "So what's up?"

Pacha rubbed at his head, straightening his cap. "You really gotta make yourself a bigger doorstep... " He muttered. "Anyway ... I just came to let you know that you didn't update your ... people ... about your change of address." He pointed to the hill next to Kuzcotopia, where at least a dozen wagons were lined up outside his home. "They think we're hiding you somewhere. ... Chicha's been keeping them busy."

"Uh oh. Busy Yzma busy or just plain busy?" Kuzco peered across the small valley.

"Normal busy." Pacha said confidently, then flinched as he heard someone scream across the way. "Or not!"

Quickly, the two of them scurried across the bridge between the two hills. "If YOUR wife is massacreing one of MY servants..." Kuzco panted.

"Yeah?"

"Forget the barbecue invitation...!" He finished, as they screeched to a halt in the front yard, where Chicha was trying to console her screaming infant. 

"Roca!" Pacha gasped, rushing to their side. "Is he okay?"

Chicha nodded, as Tipo and Chaca looked up from jumping double dutch with a pair of Kuzco's servants. "He's fine - just tired, I think. Or overwhelmed by all the company."

Kuzco blinked. "Well geez, who wouldn't be? I mean, if I was in the middle of my afternoon nap and people disrupted my groove ..." He climbed to the top of one wagon and whistled. Every servant looked up at once. "What ARE you guys DOING here?" He folded his arms imperially. "I'm, uh ... over there."

Twenty heads looked back and forth in unison. Finally, one of the servants - Kuzco's legal advocate - stepped forth. "Emperor Kuzco," he bowed. "It has been a month since your eighteenth birthday ... "

He raised an eyebrow. "And this means what to me?"

The advocate held up a scroll. "By kingdom law, you are required to have chosen a bride by noon today."

Kuzco looked up at the sun, squinting. "But it's 11:58."

"Precisely."

"May I ask what happens if I don't?"

"Um ... " The advocate squinted at the scroll, then replied, "You'll probably be impeached and the current advisor will be in charge."

"Fired her."

"Well then, ah ... " He blinked. "That means I'd be in charge, sir."

"What? YOU? In my chair? My summer home?" Kuzco blinked incredulously. "I don't THINK so! Line em up!!!"

"As I thought..." The advocate nodded, as ten young women lined up in the yard in front of him. "These are the same girls from last month, you may notice..."

Kuzco blinked. _Geez, are they? I wasn't really paying attention._ "Okay, um ... so this is it, huh? Bridesville. ... Um ..."

Pacha tapped Kuzco on the shoulder. "Uh, Your Highness, all due respect, but ... shouldn't you spend a little time getting to know these girls?"

"Pacha, I have .... " He looked up at the sky again. "About fifty seconds. No can do. So I guess I might as well make it fair." He closed his eyes. "Eenie meenie miney moe... catch a llama by the toe ... if he hollers let him go ... eenie meenie mineyyyyyyyyyyyy.... MOE." Opening one eye cautiously, he looked straight into the eyes of a slight girl with the same dark eyes and hair as everyone else - even the same dress. All the other girls looked unimpressed, yet she bore a slight smirk on her lips. Kuzco coughed. "Okay.... yeah. You, I guess. Hi. I'm Kuzco and you're apparently my new wife. See ya." 

The advocate caught hold of Kuzco by the forearms and stopped him as he turned to go back to his summer home. "Your Highness!"

"WHOA! Noooo touchy!" Kuzco squawked, shoving him away and brushing at his robes. "What?!?"

"We should head back to your palace to make the announcements. ... That's why I brought the train with me..."

"Awwwwwwwwwwww!" Kuzco whined. "Do I hafta?"

"Yes. Now, come..."

He pouted, looking back at Pacha and Chicha. "You know where the keys are - lock up for me?"

Pacha nodded.

"Wait!" The advocate stopped, causing Kuzco to nearly walk into him. "You fired your advisor?"

"I said that." Kuzco raised an eyebrow. "Where have YOU been?"

The advocate shrugged. "On vacation. But that's not the point. The point is, you need a new advisor. Someone you can trust to help you make decisions." He looked skyward. "And you're way past due, so I'd suggest you pick one now."

"Right." He spun around. "Pacha!"

"WHAT?" Pacha staggered back a few paces, blinking. "Me??? But ..."

"You were the first guy I thought of." Kuzco shrugged. "Okay, let's go. We'll come back for everything tomorrow, huh?"

"I ... Uh ..."

Chicha smiled. "Go on ahead, honey. I can handle things." She kissed him on the cheek as Tipo and Chaca hugged him.

"Bring me back something, Dad!" Tipo ordered.

"Me too, me too!" Chaca agreed, jumping up and down.

Pacha chuckled, hugging them. "Okay, okay. Presents. Got it. ... And what can I bring you?" He smiled at Chicha.  
She kissed him again. "More of those."

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!" Both kids grimaced. "Mushy stuff!"

~*~*~*~*~*~

_**Uh oh. Don't tell me I'm gonna look like THAT in five years. PLEASE tell me I'm not ....**_

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Okay, Your Highness." Pacha said at last, "Let's go."

"Kay." He shrugged, waving. "See you guys later! We'll reschedule the barbecue thingy!" As they headed for the head of the caravan, Kuzco whispered to his friend. "Hey -- don't tell the guys, but ... I picked you cuz I know you gotta good head on your shoulders. What with the farmer thing and all. I mean, I'd say so, but I don't want people to think I'm actually ... you know. Different or something."

Pacha couldn't help but chuckle as Kuzco grooved his way to his seat, then cast a glance over his shoulder at the girls being ushered back into their end of the caravan. He didn't have much time to think on them, though, as he got into his seat and the llamas began pulling the troupe back towards the palace.

Seventeen carts back, the girls all fluttered around the chosen bride like plucked chickens. "Oh, Zola, you're so lucky! I mean, wow! You get to live in the palace and everything!"

"Yeah," Zola muttered, taking off her headdress. "Big deal, I get to live with the Emperor. Oooh."

"What's your problem?" One of the girls asked sullenly from her seat by the window. "I mean ... you got what we all want."

Zola blinked. "Kari ... you don't understand. He wasn't even looking at us when he chose me. It was like he didn't even care who he married."

"Well, in that case," Kari replied flippantly, filing her red fingernails, "he won't notice if, say, I take your place, will he, Zola?"

"It isn't that, Kari." She sighed, rubbing at her forehead, trying to remove the mark the headdress had left. "It's law. Who the Emperor picks, he picks. You can't exactly change that. He's the one who does the changing. Besides. ... " Zola let her voice trail off, looking out at the countryside. _Anything's better than what I've had. The girls are right. I should be happy. But ... he barely even knows me. _With a mutter, she rubbed at her eyes and settled in for the ride to the palace.

Pacha let his eyes wander over the elaborate, gold-filled rooms of the palace. Everywhere, banners of red bore the Emperor's likeness, and statues abounded in the hallways. "Kuzco..." He muttered, as they was led to the throne room, "isn't this a bit much?"

Kuzco stopped in front of one particular statue, looking at it critically. "Mmmm ... " He paused to scratch his head, tilting it to look at the statue from a different angle, then replied, "No. ... Why?"

Pacha sighed. "The world really doesn't revolve around you. It revolves around the sun."

"I'm the sun." Kuzco blinked, pointing to his crown. "See that? Sun. Me. Therefore, I'm the sun."

Pacha pointed through a skylight. "That sun."

Kuzco looked up, then immediately clapped a hand to his eyes. "Whoa! Too bright. Tooooooo bright. Put a curtain over that thing!" Instantly, four servants scurried over, bearing ladders to execute his command. "You should have thought of that before I got here." He reprimanded. After a pause, he finished, "But .... we'll let it slide this time. Won't we, Pacha."

Pacha smiled. "Right. .... Your Highness.... what happens to those other nine girls?"

"Hm? Oh, from Bridesville, right." Kuzco turned to the advocate. "Girls? Where?"

"Handmaids for the chosen bride, Your Highness." He replied.

"There ya go." Kuzco shrugged, hopping up onto his throne. "Ah. Good to be home. Pillow's a little musty, but we'll fix that. ... Hungry, Pach?"

Pacha climbed the steps to the side of the massive throne and looked out at the empty throne room. "Not really... maybe just a snack."

Kuzco nodded. "Gotcha covered." He pulled a satin cord next to his throne, then leant back, putting his arms behind his head. Moments later, Kronk rushed in, wearing a chef's hat, apron, and oven mitts.

"Emperor Kuzco. Heeyy." He smiled, pointing a finger at him with a wink. "What can I getcha?"

"Light snack, Kronk. And hurry it up."

Kronk nodded. "Edible lamp with wings, got it. Be right with ya." He scurried off to the kitchen, leaving Pacha to stare after him.

"Wasn't that the guy who was working with Yzma?" Pacha blinked.

"Yeah, but the guy's a great cook. Not a lot of brains, but he makes some meeeeeean cuisine. So I kept him around as royal chef. The last guy wasn't that great." Kuzco shrugged. "So ... um ..." He looked around the room carefully, then spotted the advocate at the foot of his throne. "Anything else you need to bother me about today, pal?"

"Well ... not as yet."

"Then git!" He paused as Pacha shot him a glare. "Uh, I mean ..." He struck a regal pose. "You may go now." As the advocate scurried from the room, Kuzco leant over the arm of his throne towards his new advisor. "Hey Pach .... um .... about that girl."

"Uh huh?"

"What was her name? I didn't catch it."

"You didn't ask." Pacha said blandly.

"And that's ..... bad."

"You could say that."

Kuzco bit his lip. "I seeee. Okay, um .... could you find out? Maybe send for one of those -- yeah!" He grinned, then snapped his fingers. One of the servants scurried in. "Hey, do me a favor? Go find one of the Bridesville handmaids, huh?"

The servant puzzled over this for a minute. "Oh! .... Right. I'll send one right in, Emperor." He bowed, then raced out of the throne room, nearly colliding with Kronk.

"Here's your snack, Kuzco." Kronk grinned, handing up a giant covered platter. "Hope a nice spinach quiche with dinner rolls and chilled banana pudding is enough."

Pacha and Kuzco exchanged glances. "Uh... that's terrific, Kronk. Thanks bunches, buddy. Can you get us some drinks too, huh?"

"Gotcha covered." Kronk grinned, as a squirrel pattered into the room, pulling a tiny dolly behind it laden with a bottle of wine and two glasses. "Squeakity squeaker ... squeakum." He said seriously, pointing to Kuzco and Pacha. The squirrel chittered, then handed the wine bottle to Kuzco. 

"Um... Kronk?" 

"Don't worry, Bucky's got great taste in vintage. That's some good stuff. I'll see you around, Your Highness." Kronk saluted, then he and Bucky headed back to the kitchen.

"A squirrel as a kitchen assistant?" Pacha raised an eyebrow. 

"Yeah, go fig." Kuzco lifted the lid off of the platter, sniffing at the aromatic steam before beginning a close inspection of the food. "Better not be any hair in this quiche. I hate that."

Pacha shuddered, then reached for one of the dinner rolls. As he bit into it, the doors to the throne room slammed open once more, revealing a tall, thin girl with her long hair up in a high ponytail. She wore a thin-strapped red dress, and smiled widely through painted lips as she glided into the throne room.

"You called for me, Emperor Kuzco?" She cooed, inspecting her nails.

"Depends. You the massage therapist?"

"No."

"Floor cleaner?"

"No."

"Come to take my pillow to the dry cleaner's?"

She ground her teeth. "Noooo."

"Hm. Well ... " Kuzco paused, ticking a list off on his fingers. "OH! You're the Bridesville girl, then."

Kari blinked, then frowned. "I'm one of Zola's handmaids, if that's what you mean." She shrugged disdainfully.

"Zola." Kuzco nodded. "That would be... my new bride-girl-person-thing, right?"

Pacha groaned.

"Yes." Kari snapped. "That would be Zola."

"Zola. Got it. Okay, thanks, that'll do. See ya. ... Oh - and can you send those other guys in here on your way back? I gotta kink from riding in that caravan and my pillow's musty.. and there's a scratch in the sixth tile of the fifth row over there. Thanks bunches." Without even waiting for her to go, he turned back to Pacha. "So, this Zola. I guess it'd be a good idea to get in good with her, huh?"

Pacha coughed, halfway through a mouthful of dinner roll. "Um..." He swallowed, pounding his chest. "You could say that, yeah."

"Okay. Well, you're a married guy. How'd ya do it?"

"Dating." Pacha said wryly. "But you seem to skip that crucial phase in the imperial social circle."

Kari leant in the doorway, digesting the information. _Soooo... Kuzco wants to get to know Zola? ... Maybe if he thinks she's an oaf, a distasteful lower-class villager... if he finds out where she really comes from ... Maybe he'll forget about her and choose me instead. But how will I ... _She paused as she caught sight of a massive decorative mask on the wall. _That's IT!_ "Your Highness?"

Kuzco blinked. "Oh. Are you still here, then? Okay, well, the cleaner's is at the left end of the hall, the masseuse is the fourth door on the right --"

"What about a masquerade ball?"

"Huh? No, I don't need one of those. Just the masseuse, the cleaner, and --"

"No, Kuzco, wait." Pacha clapped his friend on the shoulder. "I think she's got a good idea."

"No touchy." He snapped, swatting Pacha away. "And what idea?"

"If you have a masquerade, Emperor..." Kari purred, approaching the throne, "you will be in disguise, and you can woo Zola without her knowing your identity. Then she will not be as intimidated by your .... shining presence."

"Well ..." Kuzco blinked. "Don't I want her to be intimidated by my shining whatever?"

Pacha shook his head. "No. People don't say a lot when they're intimidated. Then how can you learn about her?"

"Sign language?" Kuzco tried.

"Um, no."

"I was afraid you'd say that. Look, diplomacy is not one of my strong points."

Kari slapped a hand to her forehead. "Some great ruler," she mumbled.

"What?"

"I said, um ... Chum slate drooler. It's a mantra I learned in charm school." She lied, grinning. "Helps me, ah ... concentrate."

"Some late hula? I'll have to try that. So ... a ball, huh? Might work." Kuzco nodded. "Pacha... you're in charge. Get Chicha to make me a cool mask. A big, imperial one. Lotsa feathers."

Pacha shrugged. "Okay."

"And .... " Kuzco looked down at Kari. "You go tell Zooba about the thingy, kay?"

"Zola. And I'll make very sure she hears the news." Kari smirked. 

"Yeah, great. .... Thanks for the idea." As Kari left, Kuzco leant over to Pacha. "And get that girl a nice fruit basket, okay? .... She needs meat on her bones. Skinny thing."

Pacha smiled. "Sure thing."

"It isn't being nice or anything, right? Just looking out for her health. Don't want her getting scurvy or something." 

Pacha laughed. "Your secret's safe with me."

"Cool. .... Now, let's eat." Kuzco dug a fork into the quiche, took a bite, then promptly gagged.

"What's wrong?" Pacha winced, then scrutinized the Emperor closely. "Are you turning into a llama again?"

"Nope." Kuzco hacked, as Pacha thumped his shoulder. "...Squirrel hair."

Meanwhile, Zola lounged on the couch that had been set up for her in one of the palace's small guest rooms, looking out the window at the village below. _I've come this far_, she thought, _on chance and a child's rhyme. How crazy is that? _

"Miss Zola!"

Zola blinked. "Kari? ... What did Mr. Llama-Brains want, hm? I mean, he called you, not me .... what's up with that?"

Kari shrugged, hiding her smirk. "I don't know. All I know is that he told meee to tell youuu that he's totally having the biggest masquerade ball ever in the history of the whole entire kingdom, and like, he wants you to be there."

Zola grimaced. "A ball? Well he's certainly no Prince Charming, and I'm all out of glass sandals. Tell him I'm not interested."

Kari presented her best pout, then smiled slowly. "I think I have an idea that can better your chance with Emperor Kuzco." 

"Oh, really. What chance? THe only chance I know of is the luck kind - the kind that determined his choice." She spat. "It's disgusting. I have no respect for him whatsoever as a human being." She paused. "That he's our leader and not some evil, horrific scum like Yzma was ... " She grimaced. "I thank him. That he's been just a tiny bit more considerate to his subjects over the past month, I thank him as well. But I shall not take any pride or happiness whatsoever in being his choooosen bride -- " Here she paused to let the sarcasm drizzle from her voice, "until he takes interest and pride in ME. So I'm not going. This whole thing is his attempt at whatever shoddy, self-centered democracy he practices. I'm not into politics, I'm into politeness!"

Kari rolled her eyes. "That's all well and good, Zola, dear. But ... see ... what I was thinking ..." She smiled. "No. No, you wouldn't like it..."

"Tell me."

With a sigh, Kari replied, "If you insist. ... See... it's a masque. You'd be in disguise, so Kuzco wouldn't know which one you were. I say that one of us dresses up as you ... and you take our place. Then you can spy on him while one of us ..."

"No, Kari." Zola shook her head. "I can't do that. It wouldn't be right. I've been chosen for a duty, the way I see it, and I'm going to carry it out myself. ... If I must."

Augh! ... What's it going to take? ... Sense of duty's overrated... "If you insist... Empress." Kari said snidely. "But you'd better get yourself a mask... the ball's tonight." As she slid out of the room, she glanced over her shoulder at Zola, then tapped one of the other girls on the shoulder. "Hey. If I pay you, will you go get me the exact same thing that Zola buys? But don't tell her. I'm trying to help her out with something... it's a surprise." She pressed a small bag of coins into the girl's hand, then headed off down the hallway. "Now to see what Emperor Kuzco is up to ..." _He *will* choose me over Zola. I'll see to it!_

"Okay, yeah, put that over there, next to the punch bowl." Kuzco directed from atop his throne. "Hey, Pach ... you think the fruit mold in the shape of my head is too much?"

"Probably." Pacha replied dryly, helping Tipo twist streamers. 

"Okay. ... Well how can we fix it? ... KRONK!"

Kronk instantly came scurrying in, his clothes dusted with flour. "Yessir."

"Make that .... not look like me." Kuzco cringed, averting his eyes. "I can't look. Do it quickly."

"Okay ....." Kronk began his culinary artistry on the sculpture, amidst giggling from Tipo and Chaca. "There!"

"It's lovely." Chicha smiled, looking up from the masks she was working on. "It'll match our masks."

"It will?" Kuzco smiled, slowly beginning to turn his head. "So they're peacocks, right?" He opened his eyes and promptly screamed. "It's a LLAMA!! Kuh-RONNNNK!"

Kronk blinked. "I thought you liked llamas. I mean, with the ... you know ... and all ..." He pouted.

"It's okay." Chicha patted him on the back. "It looks beautiful. You're a master, Kronk. .... I love the sunburst cheese balls and the cookies..."

Kronk blushed, shifting his toes. "Awwww, gee."

Kuzco, meanwhile, kept his gaze fixated on the llama fruit mold. "Wait." He said slowly. ".... Chicha ... pal. Did you say ...." He winced. "That the masks matched the mold?"

She nodded, holding up a golden paper-mache llama mask with a smile. "Ta-dah. And we're all coordinated. Pacha's is green, mine is yellow, and the kids' are blue and red. They're beautiful, aren't they?"

"I thought I said I wanted a peacock." Kuzco pouted, folding his arms. "Or a firebird. Or some big, noble, feathery thing!"

"Llamas are noble." Pacha said defensively.

"Like how? They can spit?"

Pacha wordlessly tugged at the hem of his poncho.

"Ohhhh. The whole wool thing. Riiiiiight." He paused. "Well since llamas provide for people ... I provide for people too .... It works, I guess."

Pacha smiled. "Glad you saw it our way. Besides, if everyone thinks you're with us, they won't know you're the Emperor."

"Right." Chicha smiled. "Better for Zola to strike up a normal conversation with you."

"And all the better to eat me with huh?" He quipped. "Okay, but if I get eaten..."

"Silly." Tipo laughed, hugging Kuzco around the knees. "Hey, Mom, look, I'm almost as tall as the Emperor, even!"

Kuzco patted Tipo on the head. "Yeah, you're a regular beanpole, buddy. Soon you'll be taller than Kronk, there."

Tipo gasped. "You really think so?"

"Sure." Kuzco grinned. "I mean, hey, balanced diet'll do that to anyone. .... Right, Pach?" He patted his friend's stomach, just as Pacha managed to scoff one of the cheese balls off the buffet table. 

"Right." Pacha smiled. "So ... what do you think Zola will be wearing?"

"I bet it'll be something pretty like the princesses in the stories Mom tells." Chaca said with her biggest smile, endeavouring to show off her missing tooth. "All glittery and stuff."

"Well, I bet that Kari girl dresses like a fish." Chicha muttered to herself, putting up the streamers that the children had twisted, shades of red and blue. 

"Hm?" Kuzco said halfheartedly, poking at the llama mold.

"Pacha ... dear. Can I talk to you for a moment?" Chicha nodded her head towards the door.

"Right. ... I'll be right back, Kuzco." Pacha followed Chicha out into the hallway, where she pulled him into a small room and shut the door. "What was that you said about fish?"

"That Kari. She's probably dressing like one, from what you told me." Chicha frowned. "I mean ... what did you say she looked like again?"

"Long hair, red dress, lots of makeup. Lots." Pacha replied.

"Why would a handmaiden wear makeup, Pacha? .... She knows just as well as everyone that Kuzco knew none of these girls, and I'll bet she's thinking that one's the same as another. I'd keep an eye on her."

"I kinda have to give Kuzco lessons." Pacha chuckled. "He doesn't know the first thing about dancing with someone else... so Chaca and I are going to do some instructing in a little bit."

"Well, I'm going into town to get some more paint - we're running out. I'll be back soon." She kissed him on the cheek. "You boys have fun. And don't forget to remind Kuzco who he really is, once in a while." Chicha called over her shoulder. "He needs it. Month in a summer house like that'll give anyone an ego trip..."

Pacha chuckled. "Goodbye, dear." With that, he turned back into the throne room to find Kuzco covered in streamers, with a giggling Chaca and Tipo perching on his shoulders.

"We couldn't reach." Tipo said innocently.

"So we climbed up on Kuzco..." Chaca elaborated.

"And they dropped the streamers. " Finished Kuzco, helping them down. "Now willya get me outta this? I don't think my plan was to go dressed as a mummy."

That night, all the palace staff turned out for the masquerade ball. Kuzco sat in his throne, looking out over it all as the guests began to mill in. "See her yet?"

"Um ... how am I supposed to know which one she is??" Pacha blinked, scratching at his throat. "Does your mask itch?"

"Nope. I had the royal tailor line it for me after Chicha finished." Kuzco replied. "Still can't believe it's a llama."

"Your Hiiiiiighneeeess!" A voice called, as a figure in blue in a silver peacock mask ascended to his throne. "I've been looking alllll over for you, darling. Come dance with me!"

Kuzco blinked. "Are you ... Xuxa?"

"Zola." She held out a red-fingernailed hand. "Nice to meet you, at last."

He blinked. "Um ... cool, yeah." He shook her hand briefly, then coughed as she pulled him down to the dance floor, where Kuzco's Theme Song Guy was working overtime.

"_If I only knew_

_What I could do_

_To make you, make you love me_

_To make you, make you hap-py..._" He belted, backed up by the band. 

Kuzco immediately broke Zola's grasp and started dancing on his own. "Man, I LOVE this song!" He grinned, rocking out. "Come on, groove with me!"

Pacha walked up and tapped Kuzco on the shoulder, clearing his throat pointedly. 

Kuzco sprang back. "HEY! No touch -- Oh. Right. Gotcha." He gave Pacha what he thought was a discreet thumbs-up, then reached out and took Zola's hand. "Dance?"

"Your Highness is so polite." She giggled, trying to follow his awkward moves.

Pacha made his way over to the far end of the buffet table, signaling Chicha. "She's here."

"Yeah, I know." Chicha nodded. "Just saw her over there, putting on a peacock mask. She's in a --"

"Blue dress?"

"How'd you know?"

"She's dancing with Kuzco." Pacha shrugged.

"Um..." Chicha wrinkled her brow, pointing to the far corner of the room. "Really."

Pacha bit his lip. "Two Zolas? ... This can't be good."

"Well, that one came up to him, right? ... I'm sure that's Kari." Chicha smirked. "Go keep an eye on her and I'll see what I can do about the real deal." She managed to find Tipo and Chaca at the buffet, where they were holding a conversation with Bucky and Kronk about Squirrel Scouts. 

"So how do you say 'you're a smelly stinky goat-face' in squirrel?" Tipo asked, bouncing on his heels.

"Ummm..." Kronk paused. "Let me get back to you on that. I think it's ... squeak squeak squeakum." 

"Cool!!! You're a genius, Kronk!"

Kronk smiled, rearranging a plate of vegetables, as Chicha waved to him. "Hey. There's your mom. Better go make sure she's okay, huh?"

"Okay! Thanks Kronk!" Tipo grinned, racing over to his mother. "Hey Mom! Kronk taught me how to say 'stinky goat-face' in squirrel!"

"Oh, did he. Now everyone's going to be afraid of you, running around squeaking at them." Chicha winked. "Now ... see the girl dancing with Emperor Kuzco? I want you two to spy on her. I'll make sure Kronk gives you a badge for it. Now, hurry along."

"Right!" Chaca saluted her mother, pigtails bobbing out from behind her mask, then scurried off with her brother to watch Kari.

"Good." Chicha nodded to herself, then turned to find Zola standing a few feet away by the llama fruit mold. "Hello, there. I'm Chicha ... pleasure to meet you."

She held up a hand half-heartedly. "Zola."

"What brings you here?"

"I'm the bride." She said flatly, lifting her elegant mask for a moment to reveal her less-than-thrilled expression. "That answer your question? I swear, if I could get a shot at Emperor Kuzco right now, I'd tell him just what an imbecile I think he is! Do you know what he said to me in the line-up the first time around?" She put her hands on her hips, mocking his tone. "Lemme guess, you gotta great personality."

Chicha winced. "Ooh. Well ... the Emperor's had some ... life lessons over the past month. I think you might want to try talking to him about how you feel... he might listen."

"Yeah, right."

This isn't working ... um ... "Well, then, just go and give him a piece of your mind."

"Perfectly fine idea." Zola smirked. "Where is he?"

"Right there." Chicha pointed to Kuzco - amazingly Kari-less. _Uh oh. Where'd she go?_

Kuzco blinked. "Um ... Zola? .... Are you sure your shoe's under the buffet table?"

"Uh huh!" Kari called back, crawling around under the table. "It fell off when you stepped on the _other _foot." She finished through gritted teeth. "I'm gonna need a masseuse by the time this night is through. But it'll all be worth it. Kuzco will be MINE." She muttered quietly to herself, as Tipo ran toward the throne with her missing shoe.

"Sorry about that." Kuzco winced, scratching at the back of his neck. "It was different when I was dancing with someone about three feet shorter than me, y'see ..."

"Who're you talking to? Yourself, I'd wager." A dry voice snapped from behind him. 

Kuzco turned around to see Zola standing there. He glanced at her feet. "Found it, huh? Great. Let's keep dancing and I'll try not to step on you this time."

"What are you talking about, you oaf?" Zola snarled. "I wouldn't dance with you ever! I have no respect for someone who chooses their bride solely on appearance - or even worse, by sheer gambling! You're nothing but a self-centered, pompous, idiot!" With that, she stomped her heel down on his own foot.

"YEEEOW!" Kuzco yelped, hopping up and down. "Nooo touchy! No touchy!"

"Oh, please." She rolled her eyes and stalked off.

"Well, I found my shoe." Kari tapped him on the shoulder from the other side, smiling sweetly.

"Yeah, you sure did!" Kuzco muttered, rubbing his foot. "Hey. How'd you get over there?"

Kari shrugged. "Apparently I lost it back up there on your throne earlier. Didn't even miss it. Oh well. ... What happened to your foot?"

"You STEPPED on it." He whined. "And then there was the whole insult thing ... and the disrespectful thing ... Did someone spike the punch, or what? You're really moody tonight."

"I'm sorry, Kuzzie." She cooed, rubbing his foot. "Let's dance." Kari wrapped an arm tightly around the Emperor's waist.

"Okay. But weren't you wearing a little feathery hat before?"

"Ohhh." She whimpered. "I must have lost it when I bent to pick up my shoe. I'll be right back."

Atop Kuzco's throne, Chaca detatched Kari's hat from a fishing pole and gave her brother the thumbs-up. "I got it!" She giggled. "This'll be fun. I hope Mom sends Zola back over again." She waved her arms, signaling to her mother.

Chicha nodded, then tapped Zola on the shoulder again. "Did you tell him everything?"

"Not everything. I was too mad." Zola fumed, picking a feather off her dress. 

"Well," Chicha smirked. "Don't you think you should tell him the rest?"

"Right. .... Wish me luck. I'm going after the other foot."

"Pacha!" Kuzco whined, finding his advisor by the punch bowl. "What do I do? She ran off on me again?"

Pacha handed him two glasses of punch. "Just give her a drink when she comes back. They always appreciate that."

"Cool. Thanks. ... Hey, that whole dancing thing? Next time, I'm learning with someone my height. See ya, pal." Kuzco strutted back to his spot on the dance floor, only to find Zola waiting for him. "Hey! ... I brought you some punch... You like guava?" He grinned.

Zola blinked. "Um ... " _Wow. What do you know. The thing has manners_. "Thanks." She said with half a smirk, downing it. 

"More?" He held out his own glass to her. "I mean, hey, anyone's gonna work up a thirst if they've been dancing with me. I..."

Zola glared at him. _Well, so much for that. _Without a second thought, she accepted the glass, lifted up his mask, and threw the punch in his face. "I think this smelly llama needs a bath." She grinned, promptly stepping on his other foot before stalking off once more.

Kuzco tipped up his mask, grabbing a fistful of cocktail napkins and wiping his face. "This is NOT working." He muttered, limping to the punch bowl and plopping the soggy mess in Pacha's hand. "Got any other brilliant plans?"

Pacha took Kuzco's mask off, then handed him his own. "Go put your summer robe on, the one with the flowers." He instructed. "I'll go without... and take the initiative this time!"

Kuzco nodded, ducking off down the hallway, not noticing Kari atop his throne, still searching for her hat, while Chaca dangled it inches above her head.

"Now where IS that hat....." She muttered. "I can't go back without it. Then he'll tell me apart from Zola. Then he'll know I'm not Zola. Then he'll marry Zola -- and she doesn't even want to marry him."

Chaca giggled. "Did you know you're talking to yourself?"

Kari snapped her head upwards. "Hey!"

"Like my new hat?" Chaca reeled the hat back up within her grasp and set it on her own head. "Feathers go good with a blue llama mask, huh!" She giggled wildly, as Kari attempted to climb Kuzco's massive throne.

"How'd you get UP there, you little brat??"

"Secret."

"Gaaaaaaah...!"

Meanwhile, Zola stood silently in one corner, surrounded by her handmaids as they singled out the more handsome of Kuzco's guards. 

"Heads up," One of them remarked. "Real weirdo coming our way." She pointed to the figure in the green llama mask. "Florals and a llama mask. Scary."

Zola laughed. "Original. I like it."

"Hi there." Kuzco coughed, trying to alter his voice. "Care to dance?"

"Sure." She smiled, as he led her to the dance floor. "What village are you from?"

"The one on the other hill ... "

"That one the Emperor built his summer palace on? I pity you." Zola chuckled, as they began to glide across the floor.

"Well, I heard a rumor that he was originally going to put it where the Village Leader's house is.... dunno what made him change his mind." Kuzco replied, falling into the rythym of the dance steps at last. 

"Really? .... Huh. Maybe I've pegged him a little unfairly. I mean ... here I am slamming him for not knowing me, and I don't really know him. I only know what I've heard." Zola frowned behind her mask, then looked up to notice her dance partner looking straight into her eyes. "What?"

"You just, ah ..." Kuzco coughed. "You have nice eyes, is all."

She smiled. "Thank you. You're a good dancer."

"Think so? I just learned today ... from my friend's little kid." He chuckled. "But I .... " He paused. "I try. Where you from?"

_His friend's kid? That's so SWEET!_ "Oh, this village, the one at the base of the palace."

"With your family?"

A short silence. Then, "No. Alone."

Kuzco stared at his toes."Well ... geez. M'sorry."

"Not your fault." She shrugged. "Hey ... what's your name?"

Kuzco froze. "My ... my name? My ... name is uh .... Kudzu." He blurted. "Yeah."

"Kudzu?" She chuckled. "Isn't that a plant?"

He coughed. "My parents loved their greens, I guess... heh heh." He managed to give her a little twirl as the song ended, watching her skirt flare out around her thin ankles. 

"You know ... where did you get that outfit? It's great - I can't help but think I've seen it before, though." Zola smiled.

"Well ... uh ... I can't remember where I got it, actually." Kuzco lied. "Punch?"

"No thanks. Some schmuck got me some already... I gave it back. I hate guava."

Kuzco chuckled. "Okay... water, then, or something else?"

"Well..."

He walked over to Kronk. "Hey! Can I get something without guava in it? Huh buddy?" He lifted his mask briefly and winked.

"Gotcha." Kronk winked back, then headed to the kitchen.

"Wow. You know the royal chef?"

"Old friend." He shrugged, as the next number began. "'Nother dance, Zola?"

"No thank you ..." She paused. "How did you know my name?"

"Well ... I ..." _Uh oh._

A screech from above cut them off, however, as Kari lost her balance and toppled from atop Kuzco's throne - and landed on the end of the buffet table. The punch bowl went flying in the air, then landed on her head, coating her in guava juice. Above, Chaca took off the peacock hat and let it go, and it floated gently to settle on top of the punch bowl.

"But ... I ..." Kuzco stuttered, looking from Zola to imposter. "You .... there's TWO yous."

"Strange." Zola frowned, as Kuzco strutted over to the punch bowl and lifted it off Kari's head. "KARI!"

"Zola." She hissed, spitting out punch. "I should have known you'd find some way to rig this. You want the Emperor all to yourself, yet you think he's a total jerk. I don't think our people want a hypocrite for an Empress!"

"Hey, hey, whoooa, hold it." Kuzco put a hand up, stopping Kari as she tried to approach Zola. "I'd like to know just what's going on here, please."

"Why should you care, peasant?" 

Wordlessly, Kuzco took off his mask.

"Emperor KUZCO!" Both girls gasped.

"Uhhhh huh." He smirked. "Now, ah, Kari. Since this whole ball thing was your idea ... and this whole mess is your fault ..." He tapped his mask against one hand. "I'd like to hear what you've got to say."

"I... I... I...." Kari stammered.

"I can explain." Zola held up a hand, putting it on Kuzco's shoulder and turning him around. 

"Um, no touchy, please." He said absently.

"Sorry. ... Anyway ... " Zola took a deep breath, then began. "I really didn't like the way this whole arrangement was set up - I mean, to be chosen to marry someone you don't know by pure chance ... the whole thought offended me."

He blinked. Ya know ... "It is pretty much a weird thing." He admitted.

"It isn't FAIR." Kari whined.

"Did I say you could speak?" Kuzco blinked. "I didn't think so. ... Go on."

"Well, anyway, Kari wanted you to marry her instead, and she didn't think it would make any difference who you ended up with, so you wouldn't care. So I'm guessing that's why she did this." Zola frowned. "And apparently you don't care."

"Um... I do." Kuzco admitted. "You're a lot nicer than she is, in retrospect." He paused, then added, "Once you ignore the whole foot-stomping, punch-throwing, insult barrage mess, that is ..."

Zola chuckled nervously. "Sorry about that."

"No you aren't! That was pure malice."

"Okay, so maybe I'm not all that sorry." 

"Thought so." He smirked.

"That doesn't mean you're always right!"

"Sure it does!" Kuzco countered, folding his arms. "I mean, I'm the Emperor!"

"Oh puh-LEEZE!" Zola scoffed. "Don't give me that!"

"Give you what? I don't get it. What did I..."

"That whole King of the Universe thing! Don't pull that on me!"

"Ga -- but -- I -- erk." Kuzco spluttered, raising a finger in protest.

"There. See? Now, weren't you getting me some punch?"

Kuzco nodded meekly, then headed for the kitchen. 

"Hey! ... How's it going?" Kronk smiled, clapping him on the shoulder. "I got yer punch."

"Ah, great. I could use some." Kuzco sighed, downing the glass. "Ahhh. Hit the spot. Thanks, Kronk." He grabbed another glass and headed out towards the buffet table.

"You know ... " Zola said thoughtfully, taking her drink from him, "There's something funny about this vegetable dip...."

Kuzco dipped a finger into the mixture and tested it carefully. "Oh. Squirrel hair." He said nonchalantly. Then he blinked, coughing. "Squirrel hair?!!? KROOOOONNNNNNNNK!!!!!!!!!!!"

_**~*~*~*~*~*~**_

_**That's it? ... We're done? ... Wow. Not enough me to go around, this time, I guess. I'll be sure to hire doubles next time. That was a good idea Kari had, really. .... Oh, you wanna know what happened to her? She's working in the Imperial Laundry until I feel merciful. Not gonna happen for a while, I don't think. And as for Zola ... I dunno. She's weird. We'll see. *shrugs* For now, I have an appointment with the tailor. .... Ciao.**_


End file.
